where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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