You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
