There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
