Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
