that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
