I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
