I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
