he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
