Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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