Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
