Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
