they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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