Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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