We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
