don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
