I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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