They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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