none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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