PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
