im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
