He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
