the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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