Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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