Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Randomize
