He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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