i don't like sucking hair
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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