and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
