Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Those nachos came to me in a dream
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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