I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
