Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
