I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
