Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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