I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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