He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
