Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
