Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
