She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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