Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
