I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
