I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
