it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
