glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
