So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
