she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
