it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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