as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
