if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
