sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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