Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
