I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
