And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
