dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
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