you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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