remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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