i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
