Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
