Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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