1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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