Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
