if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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